please you could help

This is really hard for me to write

Because I am locked up inside my own mind

I also am struggling with low esteem and in believing in my self, my abilities, my self worth

Why should you listen to me?

Why should you care?

I am a nobody to you.

Or even if I am a someone to you, I am probably not being the person you wish for me to be ---The person you want me to be in your head

This isn't even capturing my own mind because as I am writing I see words that got left out and I have to go back and write them in.

I found it so difficult to give my thoughts a voice that you can hear

In my head, I talking you a video

But then when I try to do so, I become vain?

Or my vanity comes out.. and I see how I look

And I don't like how Iook.

I look ugly to myself. Or I imagine that I look ugly to you?

I imagine you being bored with me?

Or being uncomfortable with me?

Or confused by me?

Or scared of me?

Mostly that I will not be

Good enough for you to pay attention to

That you will not be able to hear the wisdom that I actually have locked away inside of me

That you won't deak me worthy enough to pay attention to or to heed my witds of wisdom once i am finally am able to get them out.

That even if you stick around long enough to hear them, that you dismiss them even when you do hear them.

As irrelevant

As wrong

As absurd

As crazy and not worth heeding 

Not worth helping us to achieve our dreams.

We need your help to achieve our dreams.

We need yoyr financial help 

Ooh and here you will automatically run away.. poof there you went. Bye bye

 See you later. Scainara.. 

She just wants your money.

Go make your own money you say.. somewhere else..from someone else.not me 

Why I should I give you my hrad earned resources.

What do I get out of it!!!

Connection to you.so what. I dont evn like you. You are crazy.

Diseased.

Ugly

Demented, crazy,not normal 

My gosh this incredible fear some people have against "not normal "

Either you want to watch safely away and entertained by a circus or a show

Entertained by the not normal by a grossly intrigue 

Or you want to run away?

Will you subscribe to see or learn more or will you go away and never come back to learn more?

500K please

This was written for a possible investor but I think it sums it up fairly quickly:

Basically for about 500k -600k, one could in theory

1) buy my ex out of his share of the home (plus pay off the mortgage) before he forces us to sell the whole house in 2023 when kiddo turned 18,

along with

 2) hopefully have enough leftover to get supplies needed for kiddo & I to renovate the house and convert the garage into a studio living space that can later be rented out to cover the land taxes (and to build a shed with which to store the stuff we want to keep that is currently in the garage) 

------all while filming the entire process and sharing it up on YouTube or some such like venue---,

3) and redo the garden into a regenerative vertical edible Oasis (which could also be rented out to private yoga instructors or such like?),

4)while also getting enough camera phones, laptops, and tripods to film/stream the entire process and put it up on YouTube or such like?

and

5) and hopefully just enough leftover to make sure we had a passenger etrike with which to be able to maneuver our little elderly grandmother around town without us having to have a driver's license or car insurance or a car (this is crucial bc one of our biggest obstacles is not having an independent way of getting around the city and this would open up a lot of doors for us)

The philanthropy part would be allowing kiddo, grandma & I to continue to be allowed to live in the main part of the home ,

allowing us to create a space that would teach others about symbiotic regenerative living through our videos ideally?

And then allowing us to slowly over the decades buy back your portion of the estate (at a reasonable ROI) from whatever profits get made from the videos, renting out the garage studio & gardens and such like -- until it is all paid off plus a reasonable ROI for you...

Any thoughts on our proposal?

IF you have the funds to even consider the option, I sincerely hope you will at least consider it.

We would still need to meet you in person if you are up for it because we would need to know that we could trust you,

 and that you wouldn't be screwing us over, because this home means the world to us .. 

and the idea of making a mistake of going into contract with the wrong person is terrifying..

To ensure an accurate memory of what we say to one another, we will be audio recording the entire conversation both for your safety and our own.

If you are an open-minded person who might care about our little family, then perhaps you might be a good fit for this endeavour....

More ideas for how we would like to use our home to tell our story and help others at
Www.envisioningourgoals.blogspot.com
www.hopingforagarden.com

Much obliged for your even taking the time to read this

Humble bow..,
The krineteagle family

Please read our other posts for all of our detailed  thoughts/ideas we have for how we would like to accomplish everything.

And for ways we would like to create an abundance of us and the land giving back to the world around us with your help of course .

trying to keep hope alive

Spiritual Singles

gardendreamer

"Help us Create our urban foodforest story"

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Houston, Texas, USA
46 - Female - Straight
Seeking: 18 - 98

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Relationship Seeking:

LTR, Friends, Travel Companion, Pen Pals, Just Curious, Other, Celibate Relationship, Celibate Marriage

Spoken Languages:

English

Marital Status:

Divorced

Spiritual Beliefs:

Conscious/Spiritual

Dietary Preference:

I eat anything

Drink?

I drink socially

Tobacco?

I don’t smoke

420 Friendly:

No marijuana for me

Often Exercise:

1-2 days/week

Energy Level:

Average

Education:

Some college

How Green?

Medium Green (mostly green lifestyle)

Political Views:

Prefer not to say

Have Children?

I have one child

Want Children?

Other

Living situation:

My kids live with me full-time

Willing to relocate:

No

Sun Sign:

Not sure

Rising Sign:

Not Sure

Moon Sign:

Not sure

Chinese Sign:

Not Sure

Ethnicity:

Other

Height:

5’0-5’3 (1.52 m - 1.62 m)

Body Type:

Slim/Slender

Ayurvedic Body Type:

Not sure

Weight:

Less than 100 lbs (45.45 kg)

Hair Color:

Brown

Hair Style:

Medium curly/wavy

Eye Color:

Brown eyes

Use eyewear?

Other

More Depth

Describe yourself (personality/attitude/passions/beliefs):

I am trying to find a relationship with a spirit/soul who would also be willing to co-own our home with us. ( the moderators do not want me to go into much, if any, detail because they want to avoid classified ads and would prefer i stick with what I am looking for in a romantic partner. -- But see that is exactly what I am looking for in a romantic partner:: Is the person who would actually be willing to help us with our dream,

who would be willing to buy my ex out and helps us do our dream to convert the property into a spiritual, sustainable, regenerative edible, zero waste oasis

I need someone who would be willing to help make our dream and vision we have for this very special little spot in the earth come true

Letting us and allowing and helping us to convert it into a place that we dream about for this tiny spot on this earth where individuals can come to learn about body awareness with a slight spiritual awareness, regenerative gardening, symbiotic living with nature, and the city all at the same time .... showing that it CAN be done INSIDE the city on this very special spot of this earth that holds so so so much incredible meaning to me and my little family (grandma, me and kiddo)

Ideally with the help of sharing our videos that we take of everything along the way, maybe teaching and inspiring others along the way?

That is the exact relationship I want.. that is the partner I want. Someone who will make it possible

and allow for us to do this..

Although I do wish I could be friends with so many people on here (if they would allow for us to be so),

unfortunately the only kind of person I would actually be willing to be romantically involved with us is the kind of person who would actually be willing to help us to achieve our dream for our very particular piece of land that means so extremely much to our little family.

You dont have to live with us, just be willing to be someone who maybe shares some of our values or who wants to help encourage and support this dream. Sharing a connection to us.

so we can stop feeling quite so alone in our endeavors -- which sadly we often do since most people want us to do this dream somewhere else, outside the city.,or at their place... But we seek someone who will allow us to do our dream HERE, please!

here, in this city, on this land that has the story of my family are deeply connected to.

we really need folks who will actively cheer us on and help make our vision a reality please please please.

....


Something i have found emphasized on many other folks profiles is their connection to their spiritual journey and hopes of finding someone who will share in that experience with them.

Upon rereading my own profile, i realized how much of our own spiritual journey was left out of our description of ourselves for others to know where we stood on such matters.

So i added an extra paragraph at the end discussing some of my own personal journey.

But to use one of kiddos favorite concepts taken from a movie he loved when he was little (Dr. Strange), I think our philosophy can be summed up in that.. of how "each part of understanding is all but a small understanding of the whole... "

And we all share in coming together to criss cross our paths and journeys to weave together to make that whole. And together the tapestry grows and changes shape..

Together the music evolves and is experienced at mutliple levels and dimension.

It is not just the two of us..but the ALL of us combined.

something I do try to emphasize to my son, is how each of us brings new insights and wisdoms to the table..

There is always something to learn from the other. There is always new insight and wisdom to be gained and beauty and truths to be see from each interaction and each experience and each observation.

May we be able to recognize in each other what the other brings...

...


my family (my son and mother) mean the world to me, plus the dream we have to help find a way to save our family's property, all while hoping to promote and encourage us all each helping each other and others to feel safe and create a world of compassionate inter-harmony

Note because this is important - in all that I do in life- i do try to share all of what I experience and learn in life with my family. Ie. Whatever ideas and thoughts you share with me, I will wish to share with them. This bothers some people who only want to share their thoughts only with me, but it is important to me that I be allo edtp share every thought with them as well..

I am but a small part of a bigger whole (my little family).. and our little family is bit a part of an even bigger whole that includes you and all the world that exists.

...

Hmm.. I can be a bit rebellious at times? though I do try to aim to do so in a positive way.

In an ideal world we would like to be accepting and appreciate of all people , but I admit I do have a small desire to surround our beings with other accepting and appreciative people who actually accept and appreciate us and our family the way we are,

and who will accept others the way they are.l as well.

We are very passionate about our hopes and dreams.

Our family's hope is
1) share life with each other,

2) to be able to document the lessons we learn life with our audio recordings of our conversations, our videos of the transformations and with kiddo's photographs,

and to communicate, & share all that we learn as we learn it so that others might also share in the journey some day

3) to practice as close to zero waste as we are comfortable with, and

4) finding ways to embark on our projects hopefully in a way thay will help us to save & transform our family's property into a regenerative symbiotic harmonious little archeological food forest oasis that will both keep our little family's story alive for generations to come but which will also teach and help others along the way, we hope..
Which will hopefully inspire others and leave them feel connected to us.

(We want someone who share our values and who will help us do this vision on THIS little spot on the earth which we are deeply connected to and where we get so much of our strength from. (Not another spot somewhere else..but HERE where I am connected to the land and the story behind it)

So if you or if you know anyone else who might be interested in being connected to our family in this way --please please please let us know, please! We are desperate to find this person who will help us with our dream.

Which we would pay back as the vision we have for the home unfolds and starts to become sustainable....and hopefully even regenerative! :D

-- our hope : that our family's connection to you and this little spot on the earth should one day give back to the world with it's story and lessons we have learned and with the inspirations we come across over the years

It is a very tiny tiny tiny tiny piece of the world, but no matter how small it is, we believe if you and I learn to coexist with the world the way it is, then the world will gives back and provide ever so much more in quite a symbiotic harmonious way?

We firmly believe in Permaculture's Three Principles: Human Care, Earth Care, Future care ..

We also believe in Zero Waste if possible, and we now keep that in mind when we buy anything now.

We also firmly believe that our family's story is a very special story is truly worth saving. And we would like to combine our story with your own story.. but to do that here..

we have this goal to make both the palace we are connected to and our lives to be all turned into a teaching way of being... of how to practice living with nature right here where we are..and to each other and ourselves in a harmonious co-symbiotic regenerative way... Despite our being in a city -- but showing the world that even inside a city one can find little spot of peacefulness to rejuvenate in.

We want to creat with you a small city space right where we are with an edible food forest oasis that we can harvest from to help feed both ourselves and the nearby neighborhood,

It has been a strange existential journey trying to finding funding/resources/and backers who would be ready to help to help do this. Lots of nibbles but now we need to make it actually happen somehow.

But

We have appreciated all the kindness and support that we have come across to try to accomplish this goal in the way we envision.

I admit I am less interested in a sexual partner as everyone else is (as I tend to be a bit asexual despite how much I once upon a time used to love sensuality) , but I have also started to give up hope of finding someone willing to help us on our journey just to helps us..

So i have come to accept that you will eventually need for this all to evolve into a more intimate relationship over time., But I admit I do fear your making that a requirement...., When I am ready, I will open up and bloom for someone again, but my first priority right now is to feel our dream and our main hope and goal is life will be kept safe,please .

But yes, I am looking for a deep connection with whomever helps us on our journey and our dreams.

Maybe one day our little family project will expand outwards into becoming a little non-profit that helps to convert other similar lots into edible healing oasi for others to heal in if all goes well,

But for now , I long for the friends who will help us to open our hearts and our beings to the universe.

I am looking for that special someone who will help me save this spot of the world that holds so much meaning to me and who will help me to convert them into the vision we have for them,

They say who we seek is seeking us. Please person, please find us.

Please help us to create a little world with a mini foodforest/edible oasis/regenerative feel to it -- with the space that holds so much meaning to me personally please.

Be a part of the evolving learning we are doing.

Btw, We hope to document our live in hopes to that maybe it will help other to learn on their own journey all that we have wanted to learn .. so please be okay with us recording the whole process of our evolution.

Maybe share our journey learning about communication/empathy/conflict resolution

We love edible flowers in our yard, and enjoy sharing our food garden. (Maybe you can find us by 'hopingforagarden'? We would love at least that teeny tiny bit of connection with you, if you allowed it? Wistful sigh of hope...

We photograph and video the world as our way of functioning and breathing, and always have a camera with us -- it is our breathing tool to make it through each moment and to be able to function.

NVC (nonviolent communication) Active Listening and Empathy skills

We do not throw things away, but find ways to save things for art projects.

When the time is right, and when the funds are available, a shed/storage place will be built offsite to store items for easier access for both me and other artists to use the material.

By the way, we know this bothers some people, but i treat my kid as an equal partner in all these ventures, (always have ever since he since the beginning) since even though he is still a kid or more not quite yet adult status, when it comes to these ventures, I am his equal in learning. we learn from each other.

And I do not want anyone discriminating against him or treating him lesser because of his age, sex, race, or ANY stereotype.

If anything ever happens to us, we hope this project will continue & help others in its story.

We try to be openminded and accepting and appreciative of others and eager to learn from and share what we have learned.

and eager to find others who will be open to encouraging us to pursue & acccomplish these dreams & goals for wanting to use our own land to help to create these harmonious symbiotic relationships with the many worlds around us. :)

Describe the type of person you'd like to meet:

 

inner wisdom

In a dream world, yes sure we would love to find soemone who yes had the money to be a backer in helping to save our properties to help transform them into regenerative land that both teaches and helps to create an abundant oasis for both those who help out on the land but also to others who are in need.

But i also wish to find souls that we admire or who inspire us or who shar some viewpoint about life that we wish to encourage in our life.

yes sure, we desperately want to save our home & pray that we will find a relationship with someone who will allow us to keep being able to live in our home and do our projects

but we also need people in our lives who will help us to feel safe enough to connect to our own inner wisdom

& patience.

Somebody who believes in communication and empathy and active listening and body listening or is at least willing to allow us to learn all that

Someone who is aware that though I may deeply need to be hugged and loved, that it may be awhile before I heal enough to be my old sensuality.

True, I do not know when that will be.


My past tells me it will occur naturally if and when I feel fully safe and secure and empowered again, but I do not know when that will be.

I know that eventually I will be there.

Right now though what I hope for is friendships whom I CAN feel safe with..

People we can trust.

that our dreams are safe, that we are accepted and loved,

who will encourage us to do our projects,

That feeling of reassurance and delight in our silliness & learning

Describe the ideal relationship:

 

ideally, I want a relationship with a person who would actually be willing to help us to fund and or do our projects,

But kiddo & I also need people who are happy and content just to hang out with us as well

valuing our company and our dialogue if we interact with you..

and you treat us more as a close sister or cousin or close friend..

not actually needing for connection to me be a sexual relationship.. But content with just allowing us to be friends with you? I need that first in life.

in fact, ideally you would allow me to be a celibate monk? At least until I am ready to be something different, but in meantime I need you to just be happy with our just being

admittedly eventually it would be nice to allow for the space for the connection to evolve into even more someday..

But it would need to be someone who would be willing to allow for my passion for recording the world and for my connection to my family's property and recognizing that they form a connection not just to me, but also to my family as well.

That we are all parts of a whole.

What should a great date consist of?

 

Spendin time with you and my family in the garden

discussing science and or religion, spirituality or philosophy, the world around us and or history

and well whatever other mjsc bits of insights and wisdoms or observations or pondering our inner souls wish to share with one another

An topic that comes into being.

Or even just enjoying a peaceful quiet enjoying of each other's existence,maybe just meditating or doing some simple yoga, Qigong,taichi or some other form of bodymind listening?

Either way,
allowing me to simply be quietly purring away content like the kitty cat gets to do -- letting and even encouraging me to audio record the whole beautiful conversation of delight & joy & being

Describe your work/business and what it means to you:

 

right now my job mostly consists of caring for elderly mom and raising a homeschooling teenager, while trying to keep our lives afloat until we are ready to go forward in create an online prescence to share ideas we would like to encourage being shared...

ideally, some day we would like to share our very unusual edible garden
teach body listening
helping kiddo with design work
And ideally the investor will allow us to
convert the garage into a studio to be rented out to those who want to be experience a food forest oasis/retreat inside the middle of a city

Along with maybe renting out the garden as a yoga space or small event teaching space or where artists,writers, body practitioners, small music groups could rent out?

ideally we would make podcasts and do more with sharing our journey on youtube though currently we are not quite ready to go full force just yet on that.

not sure if we are allowed to share our links, but if you contact us, there is a lovely little link to a small sharing of a conversation we made several years ago when kiddo was little on the topic of empathy that I love to share..
Or if we could share the other video experiments we made and wanted to share, we would be very honored to be allowed to share it with you.

Share something unusual or extra special about yourself:

 

i video / take pictures of well, everything... all of life.. esp if it involves a transition or change of any kind... we also live in symbiosis with the tech to create a synthetic back up memory to our limited human memory banks. (this is a problem for some people, so you will need to be comfortable with this if you want to be around us. Especially after mom started developing memory issues, we have found it extrememly useful but even before kiddo and I found it extremely useful should there ever be even the mildest of conflicts, and it also has allowed for incredible insight in active listening & perspective learning.

Also unusual: i treat kids like equal human beings and only respect the other adults who do the same and who never treat others as lesser human beings because of age, sex, race, or abilities.

i know how to cook without a recipe ((apparantly not every one is willing to do this..though i agree, having a rough idea of the ingredients does make a difference))

i have been body listening my whole life

btw.. there is a question i often get asked in terms of the land we are trying to save.. and i realized that the answer is kind of something that leaves kiddo and I quite unique: most people want to sell off their city land to buy something OUTSIDE of the city.. not us.

we want to show how one can live a zero-waste, regenerative, food forest oasis sort of way in a symbiotic harmony with both the land and the people around them INSIDE a city, in just your typical everyday neighborhoods regardless of whether they have an HOA, or just whereever they are in the city. Our immediate need is to save our own home this year but eventually we would like to save other places connected to our family as well -- which would consists of 5 different sections in five very different parts of the town. Eventually the goal would be to save ALLLLLL FIVE parts. Three of which will could eventually pay for itself in a regenerative way with the vision we have for them.. while the other two more are so small,.they would more basically be used as a storage back up places and a free food forest for the local neighborhood more as a gift to the surrounding neighborhood, which are in some not so great food desert parts of town.

But what makes us unique I think is that we don't just want ANY piece of random land that we can work and that will bring money back.

We want to work the land that MEANS something to us. That we have a history with.

That holds an emotional meaning to us.

I know many many people will not be able to relate to this, but This land is more a part of our story then any human being ever..

and so we want to tell the story of our evolution of who and how we are using this land as the main tool to do this. THIS land, not some random other piece of new piece of land. but this one that holds our history of who, and how, and why we are the way we are.

it also includes the where we come from and what we are as well. it is a very very special land to us.. so we please request that you show respect to our wish and understand our reason well enough to not ask us: "but why not just sell and go somewhere else where you can own MORE,. and where it might be EASIER to do what you want to do. "

I have now explained why this land and not some other. ---- It isn't about ease. or having more. ---- it is about taking what we already have, on land that actually holds a deep meaning and a deep connection to our very essence,

and showing how it can be done on what is already here. inside OUR city.

For example, one of our most favorite places in the big bustling city of New York, is this small little rose/flower garden right next to a big street with tons of traffic and people, but when you walk into that little garden, your world becomes transformed and you enter another world, and your mind all but blocks out the noise surrounding the garden. you have entered a new world.. a respite .. a place to rest, recover, recoooperate, right then in the middle of the city. a little haven .. a regenerative haven that connects you back to earth and yourself.

now that is the dream... to create that in a place that holds meaning to US .

We want a relationship with someone who understands and accepts our dream and what we value.. which is why we have spent so much time trying to explain what we care about.

I so hope you will help us to do that on this land that means so so so so much to us.. please
thank you!

Even if it's just be being a friend,

or by following along on our journey through one of the online avenues we created, or by actually becoming an actual partner with us on this journey

ahh.. couple last detail that makes us rather unique.. um.. we do things SLOW..

like really super slow. so you will need a ton of patience with us. like it will be a test of your patience and acceptance levels.

final bit: it is a very long story, but I can no longer can drive a car .. so there's that...

And sadly, our world doesn't get to fully be functional again until we one day have access to a way of becoming independently mobile again.. so in any one wants to gift us an etrike (which doesnt require a driver's license) that we could drive mom around town in , that would be a humongous blessing and quite the gift of a type of functionality that so many take so deeply for granted.

When it was just kiddo and I, walking on foot or bus or bike was one thing, but with mom, whom we cannot leave alone at home anymore, something with 3 wheels is needed.
Sigh. Sigh.. sigh......

What do you like to do for fun/activities?

 

video, plant edible plants in my own garden, listening to my son converse with people, sharing life with my familly, eating yummy organic/sustainable meals, watching documentaries/films with my family, curling up with my family

What does being *conscious* mean to you?

 

being aware of one's body and one's emotions and why you think a certain way and being aware of the people around you, their emotions, and why they think the way they do, being aware of the plants/life forces/life all around you,

How long and what motivated you to be on a conscious path?

 

a buddhist father, a mother who loves gardening, my son, every darn event and experience in our lives...

What types of healing modalities do you practice or would you like to learn?

 

body listening: mostly shoulders and back. (similar to a combination of reiki, rosenmethod, tui nai, jin shin, trigger, passive joint movement, swedish, deep tissue, shiatsu, active listening, )
would love to learn more about conflict transformation, active listening, empathy, mediating, and other massage styles, interested in all forms of healing and listening.

How are you environmentally conscious & what are you doing to help the planet?

 

attempting to practice a form of zero waste, composting, attempting to teach others about more environmentally harmonious ways of living, ,trying to convert our garden into a mostly edible and sustainable garden, though i mostly only work with 'exotic'gereen since I seem to kind of not know how to do regular vegetables :/, sigh

What are you most passionate about?

 

1)being able to be with my family, 2)recording & documenting as much of life as I possibly can,
3)communication, 4) saving my home and our family's story, 5)edible gardening, 6)zero-waste

What is the top priority in your life right now?

 

my mom and son, saving our home,
and sharing our online project ideas with hopes that it will reach and inspire others in some small way with us sharing who we are as we are as we evolve and learn and grow ever so slowly and hopefully with your connection to us as well.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from today?

 

after saving & transforming the properties with vision we have for it,
maybe learning a few languages and maybe traveling some with and documenting those travels?

What type of travel do you enjoy?

 

ALL -+ but ONLY if we have a working camera with enough battery and storage space to video and record the entirety of it all.

2021 update: I also will not be doing any travelling until after we have saved our family's propety and it is safely in a trust so that should anything happen to us on our travels, it will be ensured that the project will continue on without us. feel free to ask to see a draft of the project we would like to work on for our properties once we get the funds to accomplish it.

Describe your ideal honeymoon:

 

depends on many factors

What types of books/authors do you enjoy and why?

 

Books on communication, self awareness, leadership, conflict transformation, food forests, regenerative practices, fantasy, sci-fi,

What/who are some of your favorite movies/films/actors?

 

long list

What kind of music moves you?

 

early baroque, jazz, linda sterling, harp, synth, blues, 80's, red priest, russian classicals, musicals-gershwin, gypsy kings, long list..

What kind of pets do you have? (Names)?

 

officially: one queen indoor/outdoor cat,
unofficially outside there are two opossums (well at least the opossums seem to be living off of our land)(though 2021 update, now it seems to be raccoons that took over no longer the oppossums), a thousand squirrels (actually that would be interesting to count to see how many there are actually are), periodically some bluejays when they migrate through, a couple of cardinals live outside, a few rockdoves, and a family of determined mocking birds who take all the grapes and mulberries each year, a gazillion snails and the lizards and garden snakes that eat them.
okay, none of them are pets.. they just all coexist with us.

Update 2022 - we also now have a little half blind probably quite old little chihuahua co-existing with us who has added a new dynamic to our lives

Do you support any charitable organizations?

 

IF I had the money, there are several educators on Patreon whom I would support and the Inga Foundation, Geoff Lawton's Permaculture Institute, Dan Barber's Work, other land regenerative projects.

What makes you smile?

 

Kiddo, mom & I sharing events together.
Yummy meals,
When somebody lets me splurge on edible plants
When my family is together
When I am not worried about money or making our dreams come true
When I feel able to share our world with others

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

 

I wish I could share with you some of the links we like to share neat insights and thoughts on.

Even if you dont think we would be a good match, I hope you will still allow us to be connected even just as acquaintances or as friends..

We are all always connected, but it would be nice to also be allowed to share views and thoughts & learn from you even off this site.

what I would love to have you ask about

 

I know many on here are opposed to social media but do you know of a better way to reach folks who might not otherwise have a way to be exposed to new and interesting ideas or perspectives?
We would like to someday inspire- and that medium exists and allows for an interconnected tapestry of perspectives and ideas so wanted to be a part of that sharing of ideas and thoughts into the medium of souls.
I forgot I was not allowed to post any links to any of our online projects that talk about our journey, so they were taken down, but I would love it if you asked about them.

My son and I started have experimented and over the years created various different youtube channels experiments nd a few facebook pages to share the different aspects of our journey and facsinating evolution & creation of ideas with other in hopes of inspiring others..

from our gardening/cooking journey, to our bodylisteningawarness journey,
to our overall homeschooling/life/learning journey.

We even have a couple of twitter pages that we rarely post on but they exist for those who like that medium..

and even have a Patreon page and makesupport page which I do hope you will ask about, both with links to most of it in hopes of sharing our creations.. .

All in hopes of creating our own large interweaving network & connection to the soul & spirits that interconnects with other peoples networks and their own webs helping to interconnect the world into a beautiful synergistic tapestry of harmonious or intweaving interconnections... or something like that,

bit of amused laughter at our strange journey.

much love being sent out to you.. I am grateful for our connection to you..

Thank you!!!

what would you like most?

 

I know on here I should have some spiritual answer

but that is ever ongoing journey that involves our whole entire lives

Right now this particular year,

what I would like most is unfortunately very worldy. to find a relationship with someone who actually wants to help us to save our family's home so we can create on it the vision we envision --This is the the first priority in a relationship we seek .. you must be willing to help us with OUR dream.
Sorry if that makes me seem like a narcissist or selfish but I need someone who cares about our dream please...and who wants to help us make it happen. That is the kind of person I truly need in our life right now.

I need someone who cares about helping us to achieve our dreams to turn our home and our garden turns into an edible oasis where artists and bodymind teachers and writers and other souls from around the world can come visit and rejuvenate in.

You need to be willing to help me & my son with our goals.

After that,maybe some help us save the rest of our family's dreams & transforming all the spaces we wish to change into an edible oasis (i will be honest, the whole vision includes shaping many places into places that would be giving back in abundance both passively through all the teaching mediums as we share what we are working on and teach others in the city)

Another thing we would like most is to Be connected to other folks who also encourage edible gardening, body listening, and even just simple awareness and kindness and patience and compassion and an allowing and encouraging of the world to be an interconnected rejuvenating safe place to coexist in.

-Being allowed to documenting our family's design journeys. -

I don't know if they will let me keep these FAQ but they seem to be important to anyone who is consider a relationship with us.

FAQ: in total, how much land do I want to transform : as little as it sounds, even there are different pieces of it, all together it is only about an acre. But our home which is the highest priority right now.. it is only a quarter of an acre. -- Remember this is INSIDE a city.

Next FAQ:
why not sell and buy land outside the city...? Several reasons.... One bc we want to show that this CAN be done INSIDE the city. We have actually seen different variations ofour dream/vision inside different cities, but we have our own variation we would like to do.

Also. Bc the whole of the pieces tell a story, our familys story.. And we would like to share the evolution of that story. And we would like for you to be a part of that story, please.


There is a blog called envisioningourgoals dot blogspot that answers tons of questions and talks about various obstacles we need help with.. though i am not sure how findable it is without the link. So you will have to write to us to get the link.

We hope you will choose to have a relationship with us, even if it is just as a supportibe friend

But even more so, we hope you will share our dream with us on an intimate level.

Note: intimate does not necessarily mean sexual.. it means on mental, emotional, psychic level .

Spiritual History

 

Grew up with a Buddhist Father, (who had once had our living room be a Meditation Hall with only pillows amd one rocking chair as furniture)

As a child, on the weekend he would take me to many different meditation halls and let me hold theoretical conversations with the different head monks of each place while he interacted with them.

One of my most profound moments and first enlightenment experiences was sitting on a snow bank next to a hot spring meditating & communing with nature outside as a 4 year old while my family sat inside meditating all day long. (At four, i found being inside a hall not quite as connecting as being outside in nature) ..

Since then I have had four other just as equally profound moments of wholeness and connection to something beyond itself and many smaller moments though just as profound in their own way.

Let's see what else, random bits... In college , I took several religious studies classes on Buddhism.

Around 21, I had some events occur which brought me to an Eastern Orthodox commune up in Alaska,where a priest who had studied both Zen Buddhism and Eastern Orthodoxy was staying at. On the second night there, he stayed up all night to translate vocabulary so I could discuss Buddhist ideas with the Orthodox terminology that was used at that commune

While up there in Alaska, the adventure continued on after the commune to a fishing boat which took me to Kodiak -- where I had many many many even more profound spiritual moments while living "homeless" on that island.

From the first night homeless , to a later morning i "woke up realizing the profoundness of our journey of being in Alaska at all and the beauty of the journey that had brought us there, after staying up all night on a illegal island,

to the beautiful experiences I had living for a week with a small handful of nuns on a different moss covered island that was off the main travel paths,

Although I may not seem as spiritual as some bc I dont seem to emphasize that part of the journey outwardly... Inwardly it is still important part even as we have been focusing now on saving my family's property..

The journey does still continue even while we try to do this.

Though probably from a different angle now

- both as a single mother interacting with a very old soul coping with being in a new life (ie . when kiddo was 3, instead it felt like i was an interacting with a 3000 year old sage in a 3 yr old body and even as he has gotten older it has been about helping him come to terms with the limitations of the world around him when he gets frustrated or confused of why it doesnt it have all the same understandings that he has)

Mixing that all in and combining it all with all the new 'disabilities' I now have....

And mixing that with the existential quandaries that watching a parent go through dimensia up close can do..
(It is nonstop grief and recogniztion of the frailty of the human mind with a soul deep underneath it all)

The journey has only gotten more profound, interesting and insightful....

From the twilight zone experience of how our my ex left after 20 years changing all that we knew about people and life...

To the world experiencing covid and the changes around us it made

to our own expereinces caring for my mother confronting and learning more about myself and why certain parts of me existed..

To raising a child who was so different and unique who became the teacher ..
... where i had to "unlearn" all the myths and theories about how children were "supposed to be"....

To the journey of trying to figure out how to find someone who will help or share our dream to save this place to use it as a place to continue to teach and awaken....


Learning a spiritual journey that includes it all..

Trying to stay connected to the wisdom of patience and the beauty of the journey along the way.

Bodymind Listening

 

When I was a little girl, I could not hear music without dances being constantly choreographed in my head. Dance was my expression, my way of being.

Then some events occured .. and my mind became paralyzed with that world only sneaking through to me at brief random moments...

Also starting from before I can remember, though dad used to say even as young as two, the way I connected to folks was different.. through touch, hearing their minds through muscles and people's body language ... When I placed my hand on someone's back I heard people on a totally different level then words.. I "heard" the movement the conversations of their muscles. I processed it as a sort of sound only without sound but it might as well have been sound.

For years, I never charged people for this touch bc it was my way of connecting to the world until one day I was in need of a healing touch myself and it took me two weeks before I could find someone who could do the same for me that I had been doing for others my entire life. Suddenly I started to become aware of being taken advantage. I went to a school to learn how to utilize this skill professionally, but never could quite accept the coldness of the way the connection was taught despite its healing nature.

So I let my license expire and tried to utilize all that I have learned in life in other different ways.

I am still learning how to incorporate how I am, and the knowledge I have, and the abilities I have, in a world that asks for me to relate to it in a different way then I would like to be..

The journey is long.

Copyright© 1999-2022 Conscious Dating Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

celebrating making my business life amd personal life being one

originally writtem 10am Jan 2019

kiddo and i have been watching a couple of old tv series medicine woman and little men and something i LOVE about those.time periods was how many people embraced their personal lives and professional life as being one in the same.
in medicine women, the female doctor treated friends, family and all with the same care and people.compemsated what they could

in little men, the csretaker and cook amd teacher combined their personal lives and professional lives into one.

and i love that.

if you are breathing your passion and doin what you enjoy for a living, are you really living.
in a job, dont just give your time and energy away for money but also bc its what you love to do.

but just because soemone is doimg soemthing they love dont think its not a job tooand that.you can take advantage of them.for free.

and whatever you do NEVER assume people should give you their friendship for free.  a friendship is an investment of time and energy.

if you are lonely, you have two options..
one.. give away your own time and energy for free.to a shelter where people are im need, find someone else who is equally as lonely so you both get soemthing out of it, or probide some value to the other person.
now normally the value is aboit the equivilant of trading/bartering time for time
so if someone offers friendship for money, then dont balk at it bc money is just a form of trade.
. plus it helps keep your friend fucntioning. 

but with me, you get MORE then just friendship.

i also provide my skills, knowledge and talents.
so its not just my friendship i provide but it is true that i only provide that for either paying clients or clients who have soemthing i need or could use.

which believe it or not is what friendship is.. providing each other with soemthing each person needs.

so is going to someone for an individual service.

but like medicine woman amd the people.in that show, my time with you is continuous

but i only have so much of me to give so i can only be loyal to those people who were willing to pay me for my time, whether its in  the form of money or barter..

i offer my friendship to my clients.as a part of the package they get with me.

so what are my skills, what is my job?

my job IS being a mindbody consultant or a mindbody garden consultant, depemding on person.

i offer bodymind listening sessions mixed with encouragement/and a deep loyal friendship to clients (but only for clients even if all tbey can do is barter)

i also offer "hand holding/coaching/knowledge" to help people create an edible oasis for.those who need it.

that is the service i provide people..

that IS my livelihood.  😄

if you are not interested in my services, no worries.

but please do not put it down by not considering it a 'job.'

even just friendship itself is a deeply valuable service though sadly  it is one most people take for granted and assumed that people should just give away for free.

and so people bc peope take it for granted, that is why people are lonely.

i provide relief from that lonelines that people have and help get peoples needs met for connection both to oneself and to me.

my service also includes to help people get their needs met for companionship and connection both to themselves (which most people forget to do, (forgetting how to be their own best friend) and to us.

i do have discounted rates for barter which is what most people do.

but if you can afford it, my fee is actually not that unreasonable when you consider the amount of time and energy i will be investing in you.

for those who make over $150/yr, my starting fees are 1.5k/month

for those who make under that but over 100k, my rates are 0.01% of what you make a year.

if you make less then this, i am willing to consider $600/month plus extensive bartering

in some rare cases, I will do probono
or only barter but this is very rare as i have a limited amount of my energy that i can give away.

but i certainly do understand if you have no desire or need or appreciation for my services.

but if you so choose.to accept my offer,

then many a happy days and happy life ahead 😃😆😃

i began this morning

originally written 12/02/2018

i began this morning feeling a connection to deep inner love from within soemwhere within the universe, (was it god's love? my own love? love from someone else out there who want me to feel happy, loved and peaceful? was it my ex allowing himself a moment of permission to feel how much love i know he still feels for me, was it someone person i had recently met, was it someone unknown person i had yet to meet but who was reaching out into the universe to me whwrever i was? was it my child's love, pure and beautiful, and sweeter in its purity then any other human being (except when he is feeling rebellious and impatient with me?), was it my own mom's love, also pure when she allowed it to be, was it my deceased father or grandmother or grandparent or some other ancestor reaching out through all space and time?
which was

thinking i would make a video asking for your help and your permission to help me to be able to keep homeschooling my child by helping me to find 20 special clients who wanted me to help them on their journey of bodylistening...  each of these clients wohuld be, would be willing to friends of our family, learning with us, tools and skills and how to practice mindbody listening and mindbody gardening... and in their own way would become a part of our world as we slowly slowly subtly transformed or world into a safe regenerative space for the world.... regenerative to your spirit and ours....

but then i went online to finally watch a video I thought had come across before about fullfilling your destiny.. though i think it turned out it was called fullfilling your purpose or something like that.

mixed in their were also message in my head from an entepeurner that ive heard about its not just about following ones own passions, but listening to the passions of the people you want to buy soemthing from you.

combining and aligning myself  with what i have to give, what i want to give and aligning myself with the people who can and who want to recieve what i have to give..

this would be an okay substitute

okay, in a moment of silliness, I had this thought when I came across this photo...
 so if I can't have my ex's affection, can I have this? - I wouldn't mind have this person's affections and caring heart as a substitute:


anybody know who he is and how we can be connected, lol?

then again, if I had this person in my life, I doubt I would get anything done, I'd just want to spend all day watching him. lol or being curled up next to him looking all day and night looking into his eyes. 

I was just thinking how people go through personal ads looking through photographs looking/searching..

have you ever had moments somebody just slam dunks you and catches your eye.

i was looking through a series of photographs the other day of a lot of people who looked similar to each other and whambam this photographs caught me off guard.  every dam part of it.
talk about physical attraction.
it's nice to know that someone out there IS capable of catching my attention. i thought I was numb in that area.
now if the universe will just send him to me in person. lol.

I know it seems silly, ridiculous

I know it seems silly! And ridiculous to some that is should still believe in the love of someone who threw me away and who has tried to erase me from existence.
Some who wil say i must be insane or this is the definition of insanity or denial or all kinds of other negative pessimistic statements saying i am unrealistic, not being real etc etc believing in the love of a man who after 20 years threw me away with such force.
But i do.
With a passion and a faith and a certainty deeper then almost even my certainly that my son love me that god loves me that family and mom and sister and father loved me.
I knew his love to be far greater then theirs and i simply cannot believe that he or any other human being is humanely .ca of stopping a live like that from ceasing just because they wish it too.
I believe he cares for me and loves me and understands me and wants my happiness even more then they do BUT i also believe that he is afraid.
Afraid of a fear of a diagnosis that he cannot understand
Fear of not knowing how to help me.
Fear of feeling out of control.
Fear of hurting me.
Fear of me hurting him and no getting him be in control
Fear of me not respecting and cooperating with him.
He longs to be with me and his family but he is too afraid.
He needs to have faith in his love and all will be better.
I will live out my remaining years having faith in my love for both him and my son and try to do everything in my power to create a world where scott e pollack will feel safe to share all of his life with us.

cool red cup two

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